Friday, January 29, 2010

12 Pains Of Christmas - Bob Rivers


The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Is finding a Christmas tree
The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Angry husband:
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree
The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Man getting over being drunk:
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree
The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Exhausted man:
Sending Christmas cards
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree
The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Five months of bills!
Sending Christmas cards
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree
The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Nervous wife:
Facing my inlaws
Five months of bills!
Oh I hate those Christmas cards!
Hangovers
Rigging up these lights!
And finding a Christmas tree
The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Nervous wife's husband:
The Salvation Army
Facing my inlaws
Five months of bills!
Sending Christmas cards
Oh geez!
I'm tryin' to rig up these lights!
And finding a Christmas tree
The eighth thing at Christmas that such a pain to me:
Whining kid:
I WANNA TRANSFORMER FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!
Charities
And whataya mean "YOUR inlaws"?!?
Five months of bills!
Oh making out these cards
Honey get me a beer huh?
What we have no extension cords?!?
And finding a Christmas tree
The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
A tired father:
Finding parking spaces
Whining kid:
DADDY I WANT SOME CANDY!!!!
Donations
Facing my inlaws
Five months of bills
Writing out those Christmas cards
Hangovers
Now why the hell are they blinking?!?
And finding a Christmas tree
The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Batteries not included
No parking spaces
Whining kid:
Buy me somethin'!
Get a job you bum!
Facing my inlaws
Five months of bills
Yo Ho sending Christmas cards
Oh geez look at this!
One light goes out they all go out!
And finding a Christmas tree
The eleventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Stale TV specials
Batteries not included
No parking spaces
Whining kid:
Mom I gotta go to the bathroom!
Charities
She's a witch I hate her!
Five months of bills
Oh I don't even know half these people!
Who's got the toilet paper?
Get a flashlight I blew a fuse!
And finding a Christmas tree
The twelfth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Singing Christmas carols
Stale TV specials
Batteries not included
No parking
Whining kid:
Waaaaaaaaaaah!
Charities
Gotta make 'em dinner
Five months of bills
I'm not sending them this year that's it!
Shut up you!
Fine! You're so smart you rig up the lights!
And finding a Christmas tree

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